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Desperation

June 12, 2008 By: Victor Category: Acceptance, Desperation, General Discussion, Recovery

Good Morning. What comes to my mind this morning is the word desperation. Here we are going to share what was the desperation that got me into finally surrendering to my addiction and to make the choice that I did Make on May 24, 2006. What happen to cause me to fall into the category of desperation. First let us look here at the meaning of desperation.

Main Entry:des·per·a·tionPronunciation: \ˌdes-pə-ˈrā-shən\ Function:noun Date:14th century 1 : loss of hope and surrender to despair
2 : a state of hopelessness leading to rashness
The loss of hope and surrender to desperation, a state of hopelessness leading to rashness. That was most definitely there and so was the rashness to take action to do something about the drug issue that I had and to get the help that I needed to get in order to get well once again. But there still was something that was a little different this time compared to the other times that I had cleaned up before. I knew that I could no longer safely use drugs again. That the drugs had quit working and I had lost all of my willpower in order to even think about controlling my drug use.

rashness

Main Entry: 2rash Function:adjective Date:1509
1: marked by or proceeding from undue haste or lack of deliberation or caution <a rash promise>
2obsolete : quickly effective
Desperation came in a form for me that on May 24, 2006., I looked around at where I was with at the time. I wanted out but didn’t know how to get out. I wanted help, but yet didn’t know or so I thought I didn’t know where I could get the help that I so much needed. Not only did I need the help it was right then and there that I wanted something different in life rather to keep getting high and living the life of the lifestyle that goes with it all. So at that particular moment where I should have been higher than another planet in the sky, I knew that it was time for me, ME, to do something different and be willing to take whatever steps I had to take in order to get the help that not only I needed, but I finally wanted. I still believe today that I want to be free from the self-induced prison that the drugs had me trapped in for so many years and years.

The Desperation of it all on that particular evening has made a world of difference in my life today. Although life isn’t easy to live on a daily basis and no one said that it would be easy, it has made a complete 180 degree turn to the life that I was living and the life that I headed for so many years and years. Some people still believe however that you must hit a bottom of complete desperation before you will actually take action to do something different in order to get help. Yes, for me personally, this is my experience. I had to have my back up against the wall with no room to move before I was willing to do anything different. Although this time around my back wasn’t up against the wall that would force me to seek some sort of help. I wasn’t in trouble with the law, I didn’t have a probation card to get signed, The thing that I did have was a willingness to do something different and a feeling within myself that I no longer wanted what I was seeing on that particular evening. Others are able to stop without having to go to the depths of hell with there drug use or whatever it is that is getting them to the point of complete bankruptcies which is good! However I only know that for this addict, I had to go to the extremes that I have always done in order to finally and I do believe finally surrender.

Desperation is to get to the point of being completely hopeless. In May 24, 2006 I was completely hopeless. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever be able to recover from the state of mind and body that I was in at that moment. Looking back to that particular time, I can see that I have recovered from that state of mind and body. I am no longer the desperate person that I was back than in those areas of my life. However with that being said, there are other areas in my life, that I still am in desperation and that is why we continue to work on issues that arise daily. Each day we wake up we continue to have situations that we have to deal with during our walk in our journey. So thanks for allowing me to bring the topic up and hope that maybe just one person will be able to relate and that it might just help one person to look for a solution to whatever there problem is.

MDCT Can Detect Illegal “Dissolved” Drugs

May 22, 2008 By: Victor Category: General Discussion

The smuggling of dissolved drugs, especially cocaine, in bottled liquids can be decreased with the use of multidetector CT (MDCT) according to a recent collaborative study conducted by researchers at the Centre for Forensic Imaging, Institute of Forensic Medicine at the University of Bern and the Federal Customs Administration (FCA), in Bern, Switzerland.

The study initially consisted of MDCT scans of three wine bottles that contained cocaine solutions that were confiscated at the Swiss Border, said Silke Grabherr, MD, lead author of the study. Once the researchers conducted the scans of the three wine bottles, they did a simulated test using 12 wine bottles with six spiked with cocaine in various concentrations ranging from 10-120 grams. MDCT accurately detected the bottles with the dissolved cocaine because cocaine shows an increase of the X-Ray attenuation, said Dr. Grabherr.

“Fluoroscopy, conventional radiography and sonography have been used to detect hidden drugs, however, these techniques cannot detect dissolved drugs, she said. “MDCT allows us to quickly detect cocaine solutions inside bottles without opening them and even without opening the cargo,” Dr.Grabherr said.

“If a suspicious cargo is scanned with a positive result, it can be tracked without arousing the suspicion of the smuggler. By using the MDCT-screening method, the investigation does not leave any trace, therefore smugglers won’t know if their cargo was examined or not,” she said.

“The fast acquisition of the data also allows screening of a large amount of cargo, for example a whole shipment, without delaying delivery of the cargo. By using the MDCT screening, the possibility that the drug (if it exists), is detected is much higher because every bottle in the cargo is examined,” said Dr. Grabherr.

The study appears in the May issue of the American Journal of Roentgenology.

The Problem

May 12, 2008 By: Victor Category: Addiction, Alcoholism, Treatment

So what exactly is the Problem? Or does that even need to be addressed? I believe that the problem should be addressed, however there is so many forms of the problem that it would be so hard to pinpoint it all into one area of any particular area of our lives that sometimes we will spend way too much time looking for what the problem is that we miss the solution to the problem. However we need to set up a blueprint if you will allow me to use this phrase for without a solid blueprint of a building you wouldn’t have a solid building now would you? So we need to address the issue of what is the problem. That is a individual opinion and I am sure that there are many that will disagree with me here.

In my Own Experience I have came to believe that until we are sure of what the problem is there is no process to regain control over our addiction or over our addictive thinking which is my own opinion. I believe that we need to get down to the root and the cause of each of the addictions that are ailing us and than once we have opened up that door we will than be able to proceed to the next level of the recovery process.

Since the word addiction as we saw has what is now coincide with our minds and the way in which we react to the issues at hand it means that we have now discovered that we are not only physically, and mentally ill from the use of the substance, but it also processes some sort of bad vibes in the process also and this process never ceases until we do actually face the fact concerning the Problems that entail our everyday lives not just the days that we cleaned up from our main DOC (Drug Of Choice).

We start by recognizing our Problems with each other through our active drug use and being able to relate to the situation that got us there. This is the first part of the recovery phase that I like to call the truth has hit ya in the face but is that enough. Yeah the truth will set you free but only if you are willing to actually accept the truth for the truth. It is not just knowing the truth for knowing the truth and living the truth are two very different things. One may know that they have a sex issue, drug issue, gambling issue, but knowing it isn’t anything unless we are willing to accept this to be the truth and once that is done than we are than able to move into another direction from what some would say is the denial stage of recovery into the active process of the recovery road.

I believe that I finally accepted the truth to the fact that crack, meth had me licked on May 25, 2006 and yet I had know the truth for many years before that. But until I could accept the fact that these substances was making a huge mess up in my life nothing seemed to happen very effectively in my recovery road. Although I had sometime being clean the the process wasn’t the same than as it is now. I actually believe that it was easier to stay off of the stuff while I was actually only acknowledging my problem rather than accepting that it was my problem. You see there that is what I am saying that while it was actually only acknowledge the fact rather than accepting that it was the fact of my problems and the word was is also a key thing here because it isn’t in fact a part of myself that is hurting my sound mind although it still does from the damage that I have caused to the brain cells all of these years.

The fact remains that those two substances I had to get out of my life, also with any other drug/alcohol to start the journey into the recovery field. Today I am still haunted by the addiction to Nicotine that sounds harmless but my story is still being told and this part of my addiction is still causing me insane and unsound mind decisions, although it would be a lot worse which we all would have to agree if I were still using those other substances PERIOD. So Now I have set up the problem as I had to search for within myself. Maybe you have the same problems or not, maybe it is Nicotine, Sex, Pot, Speed, Crack, Meth, Porno, whatever is causing this obsessive/compulsive behavior that is making the wrong choices than we identify that and move on to the next step in our recovery path toward freedom from our addiction to whatever addiction it is for you. As many of forms of addiction there are at least that many forms for recovery, I use multiple ways to recover and it works for me. Today

Having A Drink During Pregnancy Is Common For French Women

May 05, 2008 By: Victor Category: Addiction, Alcoholism

More than half of women in France continue to drink alcohol during their pregnancies, according to a new French study. However, the researchers also found that most of these women are uninformed about the risks to their babies’ health.

“Our results surprised us because we didn’t think that the women were so massively going to answer that they were so ignorant of the dangers of alcohol during pregnancy,” said Ingrid de Chazeron of the Centre Hospitalier Universitaire, who led the study.

The study, published in the May issue of Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, compiled data from 837 pregnant women at public and private obstetric centers who participated in the study between July 2003 and June 2004.

The women responded to a survey that asked about their drinking patterns during pregnancy, and 52.2 percent said they had used alcohol having at least one drink during the time. The researchers noted this was a “huge difference” from the United States, where only 12 percent of pregnant women report any alcohol use. Moreover, 13.7 percent of the participants said they had at least one binge-drinking episode where they had five or more drinks on one occasion.

de Chazeron and her colleagues said that drinking wine and beer is part of the “regular eating habits” in France and there is a lot of controversy over the safety of occasional drinking during pregnancy.

“At the time of our study, I don’t think that women had been aware of the risks to their baby’s health about drinking,” de Chazeron said. “First, there was not enough campaigning about the dangers of alcohol during pregnancy … and [women] do not believe that small consumptions, even regularly, can influence the future of their child.”

Past evidence has proven that drinking alcohol during pregnancy can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), one of the main causes of mental retardation and birth defects. In the new study, two women gave birth to babies with FAS.

The question of how much alcohol is safe to consume during pregnancy is not as controversial in the United States, where the advice from ob/gyns is mostly consistent.

“The common advice given by ob/gyns is that abstinence is the safest way to eliminate the possibility of your child having FAS,” said Chemen Tate, M.D., chief resident of obstetrics and gynecology at Indiana University School of Medicine. “When pressed [by patients], with ‘c’mon, one drink won’t hurt,’ most ob/gyns would admit that one drink in nine months would not likely result in full-blown FAS, but we do not know the amount of alcohol it takes to cause any one of the fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. The potential outcome is definitely not worth the gamble.”

de Chazeron I, et al. Is pregnancy the time to change alcohol consumption habits in France? Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research. 32(5), 2008.

Nebraska Drug News

April 27, 2008 By: Victor Category: General Discussion, Recovery

Nebraska Drug News

Volunteers and maintenance crews who clean up roadside litter are being urged to watch for potentially toxic debris discarded from methamphetamine labs.

Transportation agencies in several states and organizations that promote highway cleanups are creating brochures and DVDs to educate workers about dangers from materials used to make the drug, also known as meth or speed.

“We felt it was important to notify the public that the trash you might as a Good Samaritan be out picking up on the side of the road could possibly be dangerous to you,” says Lt. John Eichkorn of the Kansas Highway Patrol. The agency issued a news release in March that warned volunteers and highway cleanup crews.
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Bystanders who come across materials used to make the drug can be burned or their lungs damaged from inhaling fumes. Clues indicating a dumpsite include empty bottles attached to a rubber hose, the smell of ammonia and coffee filters stained red or containing a white powder residue.

Meth is a highly addictive stimulant that can be made using household chemicals and equipment and common cold remedies containing ephedrine or pseudoephedrine.

To combat the drug’s spread, most states have passed laws restricting access to those medicines, including limiting how much a customer can buy and having buyers sign a log, says Blake Harrison of the National Conference of State Legislatures. President Bush in March signed a federal law that imposes similar restrictions.

Such legislation has dramatically reduced the number of illegal meth labs found inside homes, says Ashley Cradduck, spokeswoman for Gov. Dave Heineman of Nebraska, where a law was passed last year.

Among actions:

� Keep Nebraska Beautiful, a civic group, launched an education campaign last year and created a DVD on meth litter for the thousands of 4-H clubs, Scout troops and Rotary clubs involved in cleanup efforts. “We recommend to every single group to view that video before they go out so they know how to respond,” says Jane Polson, the group’s executive director.

� Colorado’s Department of Transportation offers an instructional video warning that meth litter is “a deadly threat to all Adopt-A-Highway volunteers.” The video urges group leaders to scout areas before volunteers begin work.

“There was a need for a higher level of attention to it because I don’t think the crews really realized the risk they were in,” says Stacey Stegman, a department spokeswoman. A maintenance worker was overwhelmed two years ago by fumes from meth materials tossed in a rest stop trash bin, she says. “It burned his lungs,” she says. “He was off work for close to a month.”

Nebraska: Drug Bust, Operation Dirty Ice

April 22, 2008 By: Victor Category: Addiction, Drug Consequences

Nebraska: Drug Bust, Operation Dirty Ice

Authorities have announced a major victory in the drug fight. The U.S. Attorney’s office and local law enforcement officials are rounding up several suspected dealers in the Omaha, Nebraska area.

The eight-month investigation used high-tech wiretaps and old fashioned surveillance to gather evidence.

Five people have been arrested and authorities are hunting for a sixth.

Authorities seized six-pounds of crystal methamphetamine, 6.5 pounds of methamphetamine and 5.5 pounds of cocaine.

Vincente Padilla-Navarro, Leonardo Gonzalez-Vargas, Luis Ramos-Martinez and Estrella Alba-Cruz were arrested and scheduled for arraignment in federal court Wednesday afternoon.

Authorities believe Jose Elias-Garcia is responsible for organizing the drug shipments from Mexico to California and then to Omaha, Nebraska. He’s in custody and is being flown back to face charges.

U.S. Marshals are hunting for Jose’s brother, Juan Garcia, thought to be in the State of Washington.

Omaha, Nebraska Police Chief Thomas Warren says the bust, “has a huge benefit in terms of our ability to interrupt the distribution of illegal narcotics in this community.”

Authorities used wiretaps to get search warrants for a home in south Omaha, Nebraska and another home in Bellevue.

The arrests followed soon after but authorities know that six indictments won’t solve the metro’s drug problem.

U.S. Attorney Mike Heavican says, “They have a distribution network here in the city. It is relatively sophisticated and we do not anticipate these are the last indictments we will get from this organization.”

Authorities know other organizations will try to fill the void left by the arrests and increase their drug profits.

Sarpy County Chief Deputy Jeff Davis says, “I think the message is you’d better be willing to step up and take their place where they’re going. These people are hopefully going to spend a lot of time in a federal facility.”

If convicted the suspects face up to life in prison.

Heroin Addiction

April 18, 2008 By: admin Category: Addiction, Heroin Addiction

Heroin is a highly addictive drug, and Heroin Addiction is a serious problem in America. Recent studies suggest a shift from injecting heroin to snorting or smoking because of increased purity and the misconception that these forms of use will not lead to addiction.

Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seedpod of the Asian poppy plant. Heroin usually appears as a white or brown powder. Street names for heroin include “smack,” “H,” “skag,” and “junk.” Other names may refer to types of heroin produced in a specific geographical area, such as “Mexican black tar.”

What is Heroin?

Heroin is an illegal, highly addictive drug. It is both the most abused and the most rapidly acting of the opiates. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed pod of certain varieties of poppy plants. It is typically sold as a white or brownish powder or as the black sticky substance known on the streets as “black tar heroin.”

Although less diluted heroin is becoming more common, most street heroin is “cut” with other drugs or with substances such as sugar, starch, powdered milk, or quinine. Street heroin can also be cut with strychnine or other poisons. Because heroin abusers do not know the actual strength of the drug or its true contents, they are at risk of overdose or death. Heroin also poses special problems because of the transmission of HIV and other diseases that can occur from sharing needles or other injection equipment.

How is Heroin Used?

Heroin is usually injected, sniffed/snorted, or smoked. Typically, a heroin abuser may inject up to four times a day. Intravenous injection provides the greatest intensity and most rapid onset of euphoria (7 to 8 seconds), while intramuscular injection produces a relatively slow onset of euphoria (5 to 8 minutes). When heroin is sniffed or smoked, peak effects are usually felt within 10 to 15 minutes. Although smoking and sniffing heroin do not produce a “rush” as quickly or as intensely as intravenous injection, NIDA researchers have confirmed that all three forms of heroin administration are addictive.

Injection continues to be the predominant method of heroin use among addicted users seeking treatment; however, researchers have observed a shift in heroin use patterns, from injection to sniffing and smoking. In fact, sniffing/snorting heroin is now the most widely reported means of taking heroin among users admitted for drug treatment in Newark, Chicago, and New York.

With the shift in heroin abuse patterns comes an even more diverse group of users. Older users (over 30) continue to be one of the largest user groups in most national data. However, the increase continues in new, young users across the country who are being lured by inexpensive, high-purity heroin that can be sniffed or smoked instead of injected. Heroin has also been appearing in more affluent communities.

Consequences of Heroin Use

Short-Term Effects

  • “Rush”
  • Depressed respiration
  • Clouded mental functioning
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Suppression of pain
  • Spontaneous abortion

Long-Term Effects

  • Addiction
  • Infectious diseases, for example, HIV/AIDS and hepatitis B and C
  • Collapsed veins
  • Bacterial infections
  • Abscesses
  • Infection of heart lining and valves
  • Arthritis and other rheumatologic problems

Medical consequences of chronic heroin abuse include scarred and/or collapsed veins, bacterial infections of the blood vessels and heart valves, abscesses (boils) and other soft-tissue infections, and liver or kidney disease. Lung complications (including various types of pneumonia and tuberculosis) may result from the poor health condition of the abuser as well as from heroin’s depressing effects on respiration. Many of the additives in street heroin may include substances that do not readily dissolve and result in clogging the blood vessels that lead to the lungs, liver, kidneys, or brain. This can cause infection or even death of small patches of cells in vital organs. Immune reactions to these or other contaminants can cause arthritis or other rheumatologic problems.

Of course, sharing of injection equipment or fluids can lead to some of the most severe consequences of heroin abuse-infections with hepatitis B and C, HIV, and a host of other blood-borne viruses, which drug abusers can then pass on to their sexual partners and children.

Heroin abuse can cause serious complications during pregnancy, including miscarriage and premature delivery. Children born to addicted mothers are at greater risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), as well. Pregnant women should not be detoxified from opiates because of the increased risk of spontaneous abortion or premature delivery; rather, treatment with methadone is strongly advised. Although infants born to mothers taking prescribed methadone may show signs of physical dependence, they can be treated easily and safely in the nursery. Research has demonstrated also that the effects of in utero exposure to methadone are relatively benign.

What are the Treatments for Heroin Addiction?

A variety of effective treatments are available for heroin addiction. Treatment tends to be more effective when heroin abuse is identified early. The treatments that follow vary depending on the individual, but methadone, a synthetic opiate that blocks the effects of heroin and eliminates withdrawal symptoms, has a proven record of success for people addicted to heroin. Other pharmaceutical approaches, like LAAM (levo-alpha-acetyl-methadol) and buprenorphine, and many behavioral therapies also are used for treating heroin addiction.

Detoxification

The primary objective of detoxification is to relieve withdrawal symptoms while patients adjust to a drug-free state. Not in itself a treatment for addiction, detoxification is a useful step only when it leads into long-term treatment that is either drug-free (residential or outpatient) or uses medications as part of the treatment. The best documented drug-free treatments are the therapeutic community residential programs lasting at least 3 to 6 months.

Methadone programs

Methadone treatment has been used effectively and safely to treat opioid addiction for more than 30 years. Properly prescribed methadone is not intoxicating or sedating, and its effects do not interfere with ordinary activities such as driving a car. The medication is taken orally and it suppresses narcotic withdrawal for 24 to 36 hours. Patients are able to perceive pain and have emotional reactions. Most important, methadone relieves the craving associated with heroin addiction; craving is a major reason for relapse. Among methadone patients, it has been found that normal street doses of heroin are ineffective at producing euphoria, thus making the use of heroin more easily extinguishable.

Methadone’s effects last for about 24 hours - four to six times as long as those of heroin - so people in treatment need to take it only once a day. Also, methadone is medically safe even when used continuously for 10 years or more. Combined with behavioral therapies or counseling and other supportive services, methadone enables patients to stop using heroin (and other opiates) and return to more stable and productive lives.

Methadone dosages must be carefully monitored in patients who are receiving antiviral therapy for HIV infection, to avoid potential medication interactions.

LAAM and other medications

LAAM, like methadone, is a synthetic opiate that can be used to treat heroin addiction. LAAM can block the effects of heroin for up to 72 hours with minimal side effects when taken orally. In 1993 the Food and Drug Administration approved the use of LAAM for treating patients addicted to heroin. Its long duration of action permits dosing just three times per week, thereby eliminating the need for daily dosing and take-home doses for weekends. LAAM will be increasingly available in clinics that already dispense methadone. Naloxone and naltrexone are medications that also block the effects of morphine, heroin, and other opiates. As antagonists, they are especially useful as antidotes. Naltrexone has long-lasting effects, ranging from 1 to 3 days, depending on the dose. Naltrexone blocks the pleasurable effects of heroin and is useful in treating some highly motivated individuals. Naltrexone has also been found to be successful in preventing relapse by former opiate addicts released from prison on probation.

Another medication to treat heroin addiction, buprenorphine, may already be available by the time this Research Report appears. Buprenorphine is a particularly attractive treatment because, compared to other medications, such as methadone, it causes weaker opiate effects and is less likely to cause overdose problems. Buprenorphine also produces a lower level of physical dependence, so patients who discontinue the medication generally have fewer withdrawal symptoms than do those who stop taking methadone. Because of these advantages, buprenorphine may be appropriate for use in a wider variety of treatment settings than the currently available medications. Several other medications with potential for treating heroin overdose or addiction are currently under investigation by NIDA.

Behavioral therapies

Although behavioral and pharmacologic treatments can be extremely useful when employed alone, science has taught us that integrating both types of treatments will ultimately be the most effective approach. There are many effective behavioral treatments available for heroin addiction. These can include residential and outpatient approaches. An important task is to match the best treatment approach to meet the particular needs of the patient. Moreover, several new behavioral therapies, such as contingency management therapy and cognitive-behavioral interventions, show particular promise as treatments for heroin addiction. Contingency management therapy uses a voucher-based system, where patients earn ÒpointsÓ based on negative drug tests, which they can exchange for items that encourage healthy living. Cognitive-behavioral interventions are designed to help modify the patient’s thinking, expectancies, and behaviors and to increase skills in coping with various life stressors. Both behavioral and pharmacological treatments help to restore a degree of normalcy to brain function and behavior, with increased employment rates and lower risk of HIV and other diseases and criminal behavior.

What are the Opioid Analogs and their Dangers?

Drug analogs are chemical compounds that are similar to other drugs in their effects but differ slightly in their chemical structure. Some analogs are produced by pharmaceutical companies for legitimate medical reasons. Other analogs, sometimes referred to as “designer” drugs, can be produced in illegal laboratories and are often more dangerous and potent than the original drug. Two of the most commonly known opioid analogs are fentanyl and meperidine (marketed under the brand name Demerol, for example).

Fentanyl was introduced in 1968 by a Belgian pharmaceutical company as a synthetic narcotic to be used as an analgesic in surgical procedures because of its minimal effects on the heart. Fentanyl is particularly dangerous because it is 50 times more potent than heroin and can rapidly stop respiration. This is not a problem during surgical procedures because machines are used to help patients breathe. On the street, however, users have been found dead with the needle used to inject the drug still in their arms.

Character Defects

April 13, 2008 By: admin Category: Alcoholics Anonymous, Character Defects

Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Step Four as used my Alcoholics anonymous Narcotics anonymous Cocaine anonymous Overeaters anonymous Emotions anoymous Al-anon Sex and love addicts anonymous Gamblers anonymous recovery program. Step four, Took a fearless moral inventory, 12 step recovery program.

Doing this step four I can write honestly, it made me realise why I had suffered, and what the cause of that suffering was!

Moral means; ” A standard”. So I had to look at my standards for myself, and the standards I had set other people (THE CAUSE OF SO MUCH RESENTMENT).

My sponsor suggested that I list all of my guilt’s, resentments, fears and sexual conduct because between these I would find the cause of my emotional pain or spiritual dis-ease, call it what you will.

Why do this step?. Well, if you are a product of your past and you are unhappy now, then something has gone wrong in the past!. If you have spent, drank, used drugs, eaten to get away from bad feelings, then it is suggested you look at the cause of these bad feelings.

There is a cliché that says, “The straw that broke the camels back”. Well, taking a fearless moral inventory takes straws off our backs; it makes life less of a burden. It lightens the load!.

When you are full of resentment it is like farting, everyone close to you gets a whiff!.

But when you are on a spiritual path it is like wearing a lovely perfume, everyone close to you gets a whiff!.

The idea of a fearless moral inventory is to start to see what is in our character that causes triggers for resentment, guilt, and fear from other people to us or us to other people.

It is about learning not to over react!. A word that flies off the tongue is like an arrow leaving a bow for a target!.

If you are an angry or resentful person then the following list of defects of character are the cause of your pain!. Without these defects you will have peace of mind!.

Simple!. Learn the cause and effect, and then learn to practice opposites, result peace of mind; and that is what it is all about. Practice opposites.

The following defects are the cause of resentment, anger and hatred. Anger is not a defect of character. If someone attacks you, you have to be angry to save your life!. But if your anger is caused by one of the following defects of character, then that is self-righteous anger which means that we will always suffer, until we see the true cause of our Dis-ease. For Books About Step 4 Click here

THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER.

PRIDE – HIGH OPINION OF ONES OWN QUALITIES, MERITS OR CONDUCT.

Does pride stop you saying sorry, or asking for help?

Does your pride say “The best way not to fail, is not to try?”

A prisoner of peoples opinions that can lead us to overreact, or not to do anything because of “what will people will think”.

Healthy price, makes us act in a way that is caring to ourselves and other people. It is a good sense of well being knowing that you have tried your best (you may of even failed, but you tried!).

IMPATIENCE – Not enduring!. Wanting everything now.

HEALTHY IMPATIENCE – When your sick of being the way you are! And want to change now!

INTOLERANCE – Not able to endure opinions, beliefs, or actions.

HEALTHY INTOLERANCE – When your endurance of your habit, drinking, taking drugs or letting people walk all over you stops!

ENVY – Resentful of more fortunate people. Their health, looks, intelligence or ways.

HEALTHY ENVY – When it turns to admiration!

JEALOUSY – The fear of being out done, suspicious, dislike of someone who you see as better than you, wealthy, women, looks. The fear of being replaced by another! Seeing people as rivals.

HEALTHY JEALOUSY - Makes you treat people well!, or they will go elsewhere.

SELFISHNESS - Doing your own desires or interests without caring how it effects other peoples emotions or life.

HEALTHY SELFISHNESS - Doing what’s best for you! Not being a prisoner of peoples opinions.

SELF-PITY - A feeling of being hard done by!. Poor me.

HEALTHY SELF PITY - “People have hurt me, people have used me, people have stolen from me, people have abused me, but I am not going to resent, I am going to enjoy life and learn from the experience of the past”.

SELF-CENTEREDNESS - Pre-occupied with your own ways and actions, not caring about other people.

HEALTHY SELF

CENTEREDNESS - When you stop being a door mat, and stand up for what is right for you!

ARROGANCE - I am right and you are wrong! Tending never to listen, but to argue, and to believe that you are always right. What is an argument? A billion ways to say “I am right and you are wrong”.

HEALTHY ARROGANCE - What you think of me does not matter, humility when you think, “Does it matter?”.

SLOTH - Slow or absence of activity. When actions should be done.

HEALTHY SLOTH - Taking time out of the rat race and relaxing, meditating, contemplating!

DISHONESTY - DECEITFULNESS, FRAUDULENT, LACK OF HONOUR (before you resent, ask, “Have I ever done anything similar in my life for what I am going to resent that person for?”)

HEALTHY DISHONESTY - Is when a friend says “Do you think that I am fat and ugly?” and you say “No!”, even though you know different.

LUST - Animal desire for sexual indulgence!. To want passionately.

HEALTHY LUST - I want peace of mind, I want to live a blameless life!. Or a romantic weekend.

GREED - To want more than is needed.

HEALTHY GREED - To have peace of mind, and to then want more.

INTO ACTION

It is best to start with listing your resentments, my sponsor suggested to do it this way. List each resentment separately, never write the word “and” (between each resentment) because it is another resentment.

List Each Resentment For Books About Resentment Click here

WHO

WHY

DEFECTS

This after listing MY defects here I started to see how much power I had given people!. I started to see that it is not the action of other people, but MY reaction is the cause of your resentment/emotional pain.

Remember that “moral” means standards you have from yourself or other people.

A FEW EXAMPLES OT TAKING A MORAL INVENTORY

RESENTMENT

WHO

John WHY

He chatted my wife up

DEFECTS

Self Pity (How could he do that to me?).

Jealousy (The fear of being replaced by another).

Dishonesty (Have I ever chatted anyone up? Have I ever been unfaithful?).

This resentment can be undone by thinking “Is my wife with me now?”.

Or

“Well, to be honest, I have chatted up other men’s wives and girlfriends”.

RESENTMENT

WHO

Fred

WHY

He came into work late, he is always doing it, I have to do more work and the boss gets angry

DEFECTS

Impatience, Self Pity, Dishonesty.

Impatience – I want him to be on time

Self Pity – Poor me

Dishonesty – Have I ever been late?

RESENTMENT

WHO

Mary

WHY

She dumped me for someone else

DEFECTS

Self Pity, Pride, Self-centredness, Dishonesty.

Self Pity – Poor me, how could she doe that to me?.

Pride – What will people think?.

Dishonesty – Have I ever finished with anyone?.

Self-Centeredness – You are only thinking of your happiness, in fact you want to take her prisoner!.

If you look at this resentment you will see the cause of the reaction, I resented Mary because she finished with me, but had I ever finished a relationship?, Yes, would I have liked her to resent you? Would you have wanted her to put emotional handcuffs on you?, No. Then don’t do it to her!.

Dishonesty is resenting someone for something that you have done yourself.

When you look at the right hand column you start to see the real problem and that peace of mind will not come if you hang on to your resentments. Practice the opposite of the defect box and peace and freedom will flow in!.

In short, I may of had the worst childhood, or the worst parents/wife/girlfriend. They may have abused me psychologically or sexually by resenting, by hating them, they are still abusing me!. We have to learn to accept our past. That does not mean I agree, but I stop hurting myself by making the mind spin around by wanting my life to be different!. That is the cause of my emotion, wishing it had been different.

Again I had to learn that if I wanted peace of mind, acceptance is the key to the doorway that will lead me out of misery!. I owe it to myself to let the past go.

If someone walked into the room now and hit you on the head with a hammer and then dropped the hammer on the floor and ran out, would you pick the hammer up and carry on hitting yourself, no, it would be madness, but with resentment we do carry on doing it to ourselves. Remember, resentment means to re-feel!! So we re-feel every time we hate them, resent them, despise them or want to get back at them. They have won!. You are still suffering. Ask yourself how many weeks, months, years that you have had this resentment! Let it go.

If you hair went on fire now you would rush to water and put the fire out. But because of your instincts to survive or self preserve would kick in and take over. But with resentment we watch the fire and blame someone for lighting it!. They are at fault, look what they did to me all those years ago.

see http://www.the12steps.com

FEAR It was suggested to me that I should list all of my fears. Just like I did my resentments.

FEARS

People

Death

WHY

I think they will see me blush

I don’t want to die

DEFECTS

Pride, Self Pity!, Arrogance

Pride – What people think of me?.

Self Pity – They will laugh at me and I will run away.

Arrogance - Who am I to be laughed at?.

Self Pity

Self Pity – Poor me, I am going to die.

This is one of the biggest fears I have come access in my time whilst going through and doing the steps with people.

Self-Pity is the trigger!.

Acceptance sets you free. Think that every time you become obsessed with death, you are killing your joy for life. Say to yourself, “Am I alive now?”.- If you are, enjoy your life, help people, try and get out of self-obsession.

A Buddhist way of getting over the fear of death is by meditation on your own death. We will cover this in step 11.

I once said to a Buddhist monk, “I am scared of dying, what can I do?”. He said “You are going to be very disappointed one day!” That was my answer, ACCEPTANCE.

SEXUAL CONDUCT

It was suggested to me that I list all of my sexual exploits and see if my pursuit of sex had lead me to be selfish, dishonest, had it caused resentment – had I taken chances where I could of caught some dis-ease, had I effected my dignity or someone else’s?.

The idea behind this is to look, and to see that a bit of hugging, puffing and a few squelching noises, I put a lot of effort into the pursuit of it.

In short list, your sexual exploits and weigh it up.

If you are frigid, talk about!.

GUILT

It was suggested to me that I list all of my guilt’s. When I wrote them down it seemed that I resented myself!. I could write forever about guilt, but I will keep it very short.

I wrote my guilt’s down. I soon learnt that “Guilty” was not a punishment from God, but a feeling that was telling me that what I did in the past was not my true character, if it had of been, I would not be feeling guilty!. So I became willing to make amends (See Steps 8 and 9) and that I did.

Guilt is alright before the event when the head thinks “If I do that I will not feel right because I will hurt someone”. So that is what guilt is about, stopping you doing something that will cause harm. So look at your guilt’s. Make amends, where needed and forget it!. (I bet your thinking, “It’s alright for you, but if you had my Catholic, Jewish, Muslim etc, guilt”, you would be tormented). Well I was tortured by guilt but I am not now!. Why, because I did what my sponsor said, and truly realised that guilt was not a punishment but a feeling telling me that what I did at that time was a combination of what was going on in my life at that time!. It was telling me it was not my true character!

In short, drop your guilt as you would a ton weight on your shoulders, because the longer you carry it the more damage it does, and in the end you will buckle under the weight.

http://www.the12steps.com

I am known by in the 12 step fellowships I belong to as soldier Billy. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I owe my life to the 12 step recovery program. I have been through some very tough times of late and I have not relapsed back into addiction thanks to the help of the 12 steps and some great members of the fellowships I belong to! I have lived a tough life amd know heartache. The 12 steps has helped me to rebuild my life and find some peace of mind.